ALIENS (1986) vs. AVATAR (2009)

(Monster Chiller Horror Month films 11 & 12 of 14)

Aliens vs. Avatar

SIGOURNEY WEAVER: Good evening. I’m Sigourney Weaver and this week’s battle on James Cameron Movie Elimination Showdown features to my left the Alien or should I say one of the aliens from the movie Aliens and to my right is one of the Na’Vi, Na-vee, uh, I’ll just call you Avatar to simplify things if you don’t mind. Now Mr. Alien. And I admit I didn’t know you could even talk. But go ahead and state your case.

ALIEN: Well nobody ever gave me much of a chance to talk in the movies. Always trying to kill me and the like.

SIGOURNEY WEAVER: Well, you were trying to kill me, too!

ALIEN: I wasn't trying to kill you really. You were just so distracting in your underwear, can I really be held accountable for my actions?

SIGOURNEY WEAVER: (blushing) Flatterer.

AVATAR: I thought you were supposed to be a female?

ALIEN: It's called acting, you blue bozo!

SIGOURNEY WEAVER: Anyway. State your case. Why is Aliens better than Avatar?

ALIEN: Well, we made…you and I and Cameron and a whole lot of people made and defined what a modern day action picture should be. Being a sequel actually helped us. We had the bonus of a setup before the action starts and never lets up.

AVATAR: Yes, but you do that at the expense of characters. Pretty one dimensional in my opinion.

ALIEN: Look who’s talking, Mr. "We stole our plot idea from Ferngully." And what about all that corny dialogue like (speaking formally) “You are now a son of the Omaticaya, Jakescully. You are the colors of the wind and rainbow and one with nature. a network of energy that flows through all living things, your spirit goes with Eywa.” Come on! It's Dances With Wolves on acid!

AVATAR: You’re one to talk. Why does Bill Paxton have to talk like an 80’s surfer dude in your movie? Isn’t it supposed to be set in the future?

SIGOURNEY WEAVER: OK, Avatar. Why are you better?

AVATAR: Well. Only the most amazing special effects ever. Only the biggest box office hit of all time. It’s like a beautiful dream…only it’s real.

ALIEN: With stock characters you stole from Aliens. The Latino chick that kicks ass. The weasly little dweeb who is only after a buck. Recycled characterizations, blue boy!

AVATAR: Cameron refined these characters in Avatar…took away the flaws in their characterizations and made them more interesting, like the way we updated your prehistoric special effects.

SIGOURNEY WEAVER: Well, you got to admit when it comes to characterization, we are dealing with James Cameron and not Paddy Chayevsky.

(Alien and Avatar both laugh)

AVATAR: And we have, of course, the lovely Ms. Weaver in our picture as well. (Turning to Sigourney) If I hadn’t already chosen a mate, I would definitely consider you even if you are one of the skypeople.

SIGOURNEY WEAVER: Why you’re a flatterer too, but alas, I’m afraid its too late. The votes are in and the winner is….Aliens.

(Avatar raises his hands and curses in Na’Vi)

SIGOURNEY WEAVER: I’m sorry Avatar, but you’re terminated fucker!

(SIGOURNEY WEAVER pulls a lever and a trap door opens and the Avatar disappears.)


SIGOURNEY WEAVER: Turning to the Alien. I always wanted to say that.

ALIEN: I thought your line was “Get away from her, you bitch.”

SIGOURNEY WEAVER: I’m the host of this show and I’ll use whichever damn James Cameron catchphrase I want! Do you understand?

(The Alien spreads his hands in mock surrender)

SIGOURNEY WEAVER: And speaking of The Terminator. Next week on James Cameron Movie Elimination Showdown, we have the Terminator T-800 facing off against Rose from Titanic. Ought to be quite a match up.

Good night for now and until next week…we’ll be back.

(The Alien and Sigourney Weaver wave goodbye to the audience as the screen fades to black.)

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THE TERMINATOR (1984), TERMINATOR 2: JUDGEMENT DAY (1991)

(Monster Chiller Horror Month films 9 & 10 of 14)

The Terminator & The Terminator 2: Judgement Day

Previous viewings: 4

That Terminator is out there. He can not be bargained with. He can’t be reasoned with. It doesn’t feel pity or remorse or fear…and it absolutely will not stop EVER…until you are dead!

I remember the first time I saw The Terminator. It was at the Lyceum Theater at Georgia State University. The college crowd that I was among was silent throught most of the movie. A few gasps were audible here and there, but the crowd was totally into it and it was damn scary...

At least that’s the way I remember it.

Today, it’s still an intense viewing experience. The plot of this relentless futuristic cyborg going back in time for the sole purpose of killing the mother of the man who will save humanity makes might make you feel silly if you look at the plot too closely. As the 1001 book points out, this film could have easily been a candidate for an especially cheesy episode of Mystery Science Theater, yet it never does. I’m buying into the Terminator thing and I’m still buying into The Terminator thing. I guess we have James Cameron to thank for that. And Arnold. And one other name-Brad Fiedel and his sythestisized heart pounding music. Thanks, Brad.

Favorite line: Not one of the more famous ones, but the scene where the Termintor is walking down the hall of his lodgings with his shotgun, a black guy backs away from him and says, “DAMN!” Don’t ask me why I like this so much, but I know if I saw a Terminator coming, I’d probably say the same thing.

Thank God he went back to 1984 and not 2012: I gripe about this a lot. How cell phones and the ease of communication and reaching people might be good for our lives, but bad for drama. Think of the scenes in The Terminator that involve phone books, answering machines and phone booths. With that music thumping in the background it makes the tension almost unbearable. Now, picture the Terminator going back to 2012. He kills some biker, takes his clothes and laptop and procedes to find Sarah Conner on Google. Uh, not exciting.

I thought the one thing The Terminator didin’t need was a sequel, but we got one in 1991, Terminator 2: Judgment Day.

I stand corrected about us needing this. The first hour of T2 never seems to let up. With the first Terminator movie to build on, T2 has a new, more advanced Terminator sent from the future to kill the young John Conner. This film has the effective twist of the old Terminator model (Arnold) being reprogrammed to protect John Conner from the new one one.

The second half drags a bit with a few too many Sarah Conner voice over narrations, “The Terminator was the like the father John had never had and would never have…"or something like that. And the product placement was a bit much at times. (How many Pepsi machines are in this movie?) But these are minor quibbles. I like this one too. Both would be in my book.

But one thing The Terminator series didn’t need was a sequel to the sequel and this time I think I was right.

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CARRIE (1976)

Monster Chiller Horror Month (Film 9 of 12)

Carrie

Brian DePalma’s version of the Stephen King story of a telekinetic girl who takes revenge on her tormenters at the school prom is interesting in that if she didn’t have these powers, the movie could have lapsed into what may have amounted to one of those dreary romances like Ice Castles.* But one does have to get through the buildup of the story in the first half to get to the payoff of the prom scene where everything goes…let’s just say not as planned.

And I still can’t picture anyone but Sissy Spacek as Carrie.

Stephen King’s still great euphemism for breasts: “dirty pillows”

Battle of the great 70’s hairstyles: Nancy Allen vs. William Katt. I'll give it to Mr. Katt just because his hair is justso damn humongous! Howvever, as far as the locker room scene goes, Ms. Allen has no competition.

P. J. Soles: And I must acknowledge the first in a series of important screen appearances of my former girlfriend Ms. P. J. Soles.**

*I haven’t actually seen Ice Castles, I do know it’s about some blind ice skater who trains for the Olympics and they find out she’s blind or something and…no, that’s not right. She's deaf, dumb and blind and wants to join the Jamaican bobsleding team...no that's not right either. Anyway, my wife keeps telling me I should see it. She also pointed out the similarity of the scores from Ice Castles and Carrie for which she gets a point, though I’m subtracting a point because she didn’t know who Marvin Hamlish was.

*I’ve just got a cease and desist order from Ms. Soles attorney for me to quit calling her my ex-girl friend on this blog...Some people just have no sense of whimsy.

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TARGETS (1968), EDWARD SCISSORHANDS (1990)

(Monster Chiller Horror Month films 6 & 7 of 14)

Targets & Edward Scissorhands

Fond farewells

Targets-Targets is really two movies in one. The story one thread includes a lone gunman whose shooting rampage ends at a drive-in theater. The story two thread features Boris Karloff (essentially playing himself as an aging horror star) reluctantly promoting his latest movie. This was Peter Bogdanavich’s first film and was certainly one of the best things he ever did. A real favorite of mine.

Part of the film's appeal is that it is the movie swan song of Boris Karloff. He was best known as the Frankenstein monster in Frankenstein and the Bride of Frankenstein. He also had many memorable roles in other horror films such as Tower of London and The Body Snatcher. He also popped up in supporting roles in such diverse films as Scarface, The Lost Patrol or even as an American Indian in Cecil B. DeMilles’ Unconquered. And who could forget his unforgettable voice in the animatated The Grinch That Stole Christmas?

Targets seemed such an appropriate final film for Karloff, and he is most perfect playing a man who considered himself a boogeyman antique compared to the horrors that plague us in the all too real world.

Would you recommend Targets? Certainly.

Edward Scissorhands-The Tim Burton/Johnny Depp film Edward Scissorhands is the final screen appearance of another horror legend, Vincent Price. His very small role is as the doctor who creates Edward, but dies before he gets the opportunity to finish his hands. Price’s look before he dies in the film is something to see. It is at once menacing and at the same time very tragic.

Price through the years showed up everywhere in movies and television. He had many non-horror parts that were notable (such as in Laura), but may be best know for his series of American International films based on Poe stories such as: The Masque of the Red Death, The Conqueror Worm and The Pit and the Pendulum. Another personal favorite of mine with Price is Theater of Blood, in which Vincent plays a hammy actor who takes extreme measures of revenge of his critics.

One thing about Price, he never seemed to find anything that he wouldn’t do. His title role as Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine and its sequel Dr. Goldfoot and the Girl Bombs were typical of his never met a script I didn’t like policy. He was also a regular in his later years on Hollywood Squares and let’s not forget his role as the villain Egg Head on the Batman television series.

Like Karloff, Price may be known to some fans chiefly for his voice-over narration. In this case, his narration of the Michael Jackson Thriller video.

Would you recommend Edward Scissorhands? Yes. Did I mention it was the last screen appearance of Vincent Price?

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LET THE RIGHT ONE IN (2009, SWEDEN)

(Monster Chiller Horror Month film 5 of 14)

Let the Right One In

Previous viewings: None

This is my first viewing of a film dealing with teenage (preteen?) Swedish vampires. The relationship between a bullied boy and his befriending of a girl who is really a creature of the night does have its moments. I think the best moment in the film is the final scene in the swimming pool where certain characters get their comeuppance.

Would you recommend? I recommend no teenage vampire movies, unless they are Swedish. So since this is Swedish, it's a go.

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VAMPYR (1932, GERMANY)

(Monster Chiller Horror Month film 4 of 14)

Vampyr

One's affection for Carl Dreyer's Vampyr depends entirely on the degree of how much the vivid images of the film effect you.

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ROSEMARY'S BABY (1968)

(Monster Chiller Horror Month film 3 of 14)

Rosemary's Baby

Previous viewings: One, I think.

I say I saw this once, but it was so long ago and it would have had to be on TV, so that I’d almost be better off saying I’d never seen it before. However, I always recognized (probably thanks to MAD magazine) pop culture references to Rosemary’s Baby, usually dealing with something within a mysterious baby carriage or just a reference to Mia Farrow’s extremely short haircut.

The Exorcist factor: I do remember quite vividly when The Exorcist came out (1973) and though I may have been a bit too impressionable to see it at the time, I nevertheless did see it and it left quite the impression on me.

The audience reaction to Rosemary’s Baby was a probably similar to that of The Exorcist after its release, though too a lesser degree. Of course, at the time of Rosemary's Baby's release in 1968 I was basically just watching Disney movies, stories about otters or dubbed Swedish versions of Hansel and Gretel.

Elisha Cook Jr.-I did have to mention this film marks the last appearance on a 1001 film from character actor specialist Elisha Cook Jr. He doesn’t really have much of a part here, but Elisha does what he does best: supplies the exposition for the main characters. He is in the very first scene, showing John Cassavetes and Mia Farrow around their apartment. He tells them about the place and questions why the previous tenant left her large dresser in front of her closet. We know that issue will come up later. Elisha hath put forth the question and the film shall eventually answer it.

Suspense: I do like the way the film builds suspense by its slow unraveling of plot threads. It is also not really very graphic when it comes right down to it, that is unless you count the dreamlike scenes with witches, which are admittedly pretty disturbing.

I do remember a television movie from the late 70’s called Whatever Happened to Rosemary’s Baby? More accurately, I remember watching it. I remember little to nothing about it. It probably was made too late. Horror fans became more interested in what happened to the kid in The Omen than what happened to Rosemary’s offspring by then.

But would I recommend it? Would it be in my book?

Yes. Definitely a high ranking in both the suspense and horror genre.

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